I was startled by the landscape before me, a gorgeous panoramic autumn view. I LOVE the color red and the brighter and bolder the better. This is what surprised me the most about this view that was taking my breath away, it was almost entirely devoid of red. Rather the leaves in the distant canyon were a very muted mixture of browns and oranges. Was this Spanish Fork Canyon? Hobble Creek Canyon? Why hadn't I been paying more attention to my surroundings? I knew I was in Utah County, but was still slightly disoriented. My mother had recently told me of the family meeting place up ahead and something about getting the rental car returned in time.
Suddenly there was a police officer on his motorcycle behind me with his lights flashing. I pulled my own motorcycle over to the shoulder. He somehow beckoned me to meet him off the shoulder at a decorative brick wall. As I approached the wall he told me that I was pulled over for passing a vehicle on the left. I began to tell him very sincerely how sorry I was as I walked around the back of the brick wall and hoisted myself up on to the top. I considered saying that I was distracted while driving, but caught myself just in time, realizing that admitting I was driving distracted to an officer of the law was a guaranteed ticket. I looked at his face as I continued to fumble through a lengthy apology. I wondered if he would give me the ticket any way. He looked as if he genuinely felt sorry for me.
As I sat on top of the brick wall, eyeing the officer below, he began to perform his best parkour for me. He was successfully launching himself from one end of the brick wall to the other, approximately 15 feet across, without making contact with any point in the middle. I was genuinely impressed and very, very confused. He continued to launch back and forth, occasionally adding a twist, leg or arm position change, or complete rotation.
When the performance was over he asked me to come down off the wall. I obliged and meet him on the front side. There he pointed to his satchel and asked me to look inside. I found receipts, ticket stubs, and candy wrappers. Each small piece of paper had some reference to the Utah Jazz, a date of a game, a statistic for a particular player, the time shown on the clock when a timeout was called, etc. He then proceeded to tell me he was collecting all of these memoirs so that when the Jazz finally win the Playoffs, he will have their entire victorious season fiercely documented.
He told me to follow him into the lobby of a nearby movie theater. Once inside he turned around and asked, "Do you like the show you have seen here?"
I answered, "I've been seeing shows here since I was a child, so yes, I guess that I have seen several shows that I like."
"No," he was choosing his next words carefully, "I mean do you like the show I've been putting on for you? You see, my friends have been wanting to set you up with so and so for a really long time. They asked me to pull you over, spend some time with you, and ultimately decide if I thought you were a good match for our friend. I wholeheartedly agree with their assessment, so can I give him your number now?"
As he spoke, I remember that so and so had been suggested as a possible set up many months ago, but nothing more had ever come of it. I had no intention of giving him my number for about a dozen important reasons, but I had a bigger concern on my mind. I countered, "Wait a minute. Have you been following me for a long time?"
He instantly looked sheepish.
"How else would you have had the perfect time to pull me over. It's as if you were waiting for me to make a slight mistake. Have you been using your position of authority to stalk me as a romantic interest for your friend?!?!?"
"Yes, yes I am ashamed to say that I have. But I assure you that I never meant to be creepy or to make you feel uncomfortable. I just had to have the chance to find out if you are the one. Oh, and you should probably know that someone else has planted so and so in a position to get to know your family well before he gets to know you."
Disclaimer: I have never been pulled over for passing on the left. I have never driven a motorcycle, let alone been a passenger on one. I have never scaled a brick wall without the help of someone else and as far as I know no one is currently trying to woo my family in a back door effort to get to me. Maybe I should call my mother just in case...
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