Police. Parkour. Perform. Peace. Please?

I was startled by the landscape before me, a gorgeous panoramic autumn view.  I LOVE the color red and the brighter and bolder the better.  This is what surprised me the most about this view that was taking my breath away, it was almost entirely devoid of red.  Rather the leaves in the distant canyon were a very muted mixture of browns and oranges.  Was this Spanish Fork Canyon?  Hobble Creek Canyon?  Why hadn't I been paying more attention to my surroundings?  I knew I was in Utah County, but was still slightly disoriented.  My mother had recently told me of the family meeting place up ahead and something about getting the rental car returned in time.

Suddenly there was a police officer on his motorcycle behind me with his lights flashing.  I pulled my own motorcycle over to the shoulder.  He somehow beckoned me to meet him off the shoulder at a decorative brick wall.  As I approached the wall he told me that I was pulled over for passing a vehicle on the left.  I began to tell him very sincerely how sorry I was as I walked around the back of the brick wall and hoisted myself up on to the top.  I considered saying that I was distracted while driving, but caught myself just in time, realizing that admitting I was driving distracted to an officer of the law was a guaranteed ticket.  I looked at his face as I continued to fumble through a lengthy apology.  I wondered if he would give me the ticket any way.  He looked as if he genuinely felt sorry for me.

As I sat on top of the brick wall, eyeing the officer below, he began to perform his best parkour for me.  He was successfully launching himself from one end of the brick wall to the other, approximately 15 feet across, without making contact with any point in the middle.  I was genuinely impressed and very, very confused.  He continued to launch back and forth, occasionally adding a twist, leg or arm position change, or complete rotation. 

When the performance was over he asked me to come down off the wall.  I obliged and meet him on the front side.  There he pointed to his satchel and asked me to look inside.  I found receipts, ticket stubs, and candy wrappers.  Each small piece of paper had some reference to the Utah Jazz, a date of a game, a statistic for a particular player, the time shown on the clock when a timeout was called, etc.  He then proceeded to tell me he was collecting all of these memoirs so that when the Jazz finally win the Playoffs, he will have their entire victorious season fiercely documented.

He told me to follow him into the lobby of a nearby movie theater.  Once inside he turned around and asked, "Do you like the show you have seen here?"

I answered, "I've been seeing shows here since I was a child, so yes, I guess that I have seen several shows that I like."

"No," he was choosing his next words carefully, "I mean do you like the show I've been putting on for you?  You see, my friends have been wanting to set you up with so and so for a really long time.  They asked me to pull you over, spend some time with you, and ultimately decide if I thought you were a good match for our friend.  I wholeheartedly agree with their assessment, so can I give him your number now?"

As he spoke, I remember that so and so had been suggested as a possible set up many months ago, but nothing more had ever come of it.  I had no intention of giving him my number for about a dozen important reasons, but I had a bigger concern on my mind.  I countered, "Wait a minute.  Have you been following me for a long time?"

He instantly looked sheepish.

"How else would you have had the perfect time to pull me over.  It's as if you were waiting for me to make a slight mistake.  Have you been using your position of authority to stalk me as a romantic interest for your friend?!?!?"

"Yes, yes I am ashamed to say that I have. But I assure you that I never meant to be creepy or to make you feel uncomfortable.  I just had to have the chance to find out if you are the one.  Oh, and you should probably know that someone else has planted so and so in a position to get to know your family well before he gets to know you."

Disclaimer: I have never been pulled over for passing on the left.  I have never driven a motorcycle, let alone been a passenger on one.  I have never scaled a brick wall without the help of someone else and as far as I know no one is currently trying to woo my family in a back door effort to get to me.  Maybe I should call my mother just in case...  

Hunger Locker

Please stop the bombing. Will someone please stop the bombing? My ears felt as if they would rupture from the incessant boom claps around me. The rubble was difficult to climb over and through and the dust in the air was scraping my throat cells like a strep test. What kind of society launches war on itself to find out who can really hack being an American? I didn't know all of the rules of this engagement, but I knew that people were dying for no reason and my only way to win was to outlive all of the chaos around me. They said there would be mentors in the war zone, but they would not be able to announce themselves. Figuring out who to trust was part of proving ourselves. As I struggled to keep my now burning eyes open, I came face to face with her. She had a pleasant face and looked as if she had stepped out of her role as principal in a high school sitcom. Still I didn't know if she could be trusted. She pointed across the arena to a row of high school lockers and proceeded to explain, "If you get inside, you will be protected from the bombs, but no one knows any of the combinations, so once the door closes, you may never get out again."

I made my way to the lockers and noticed that all of the locker doors were open. One was clearly meant for me. I found books and manuals stacked inside and my jacket. The books were not in any order that was pleasing to me, so I reorganized them and pulled the jacket off the hook. The sun was going down, and I knew I would need this jacket. It was then that I realized I was being watched.

She wasn't very intimidating, in fact she was quite the opposite. I figured an alliance could only be helpful at this point and asked her if she would like to come along. She consented and I started to wonder if she was going to kill me for my jacket.

Disclaimer: It's been weeks since I read or saw the Hunger Games, but I did recently see an episode of Boy Meets World where Cory climbs into his locker to escape the wrath of Harley Kiner...

Senior Prom

Ah springtime and prom.  After precariously traversing four years of high school, senior prom had finally arrived.  I was delighted to be asked by a boy who was always fun to be around.  Sure, prom would be more magical if I were actually in to my date, but at least I was going to have a good time.  In the chaos in between classes I found myself face to face with my sophomore pal.  He was furious and shoved a stack of jumbled papers into my arms.  He then proceeded to yell at me in front of the entire school.  The purpose of his rant was to inform me that he had been in love with me all year and I had rejected him and he couldn't take it any more.  I knew we were friends and I remembered the day back in September when our paths crossed and I bonded with him and his best friend.  

I had never considered that he liked me as more than a friend, so his verbal explosion was shocking.  I tried to calmly tell him that I didn't know.  "Didn't know?  How could you not know?  I have been writing you notes for an entire year!  I confessed my love multiple times and I even asked you to prom.  Instead you told What's His Bucket that you would go with him instead.  I can't take it any more, stop breaking my heart."  It was then that I realized the stack of papers in my hands, were the notes he had taken from my locker because I had seen no harm in him knowing my combination.  The notes in my hands were all written in spanish.  I don't speak spanish and it was then that it all finally clicked.  He thought I had spanish this semester and he had been writing all of his love declaring notes in a language I could not read.  Until this time I had never been concerned about the fact that I couldn't read them, but I did feel bad that I forgot to tell him that I had dropped my spanish class. 

I fumbled through every apology I could muster and tried to convince him that I really didn't know he was in love with me and that I was truly sorry.  He didn't buy a single word and left me alone in the hallway.

Next came the notification that my super fun prom date had proposed to my second cousin and that they were really getting married after graduation.  What could be more awkward than going to prom with your second cousin's fiance?  I decided it was time to let him off the hook and take his fiancee instead of me.  He gratefully accepted my suggestion.

So even if my sophomore friend would never take me to prom since I unintentionally broke his heart and even if my date got engaged to someone else, I will still get asked to prom right?!?!  How could I not get asked to prom?!?!?!?!

Disclaimer: No hearts were broken in the making of this dream and I am way too old to get asked to prom.