Coldstone Classic

So there I was at a party in California. I ran into my friend Eric (we'll call him Eric because that is actually his name and no other name would accurately portray his awesome role in said account). He told me that we had to go get ice cream. I said we should definitely do that sometime. He said, "No, we need to go right now." I finally consented and he said, "We're going to Coldstone. Don't worry I've got coupons so I've got you covered." From said comment I determined that our friendly ice cream run was now a date.

We arrived at Coldstone and stood in line for a long time. I soon discovered that Coldstone had really hit a rut in the recession. In order to combat the recession Coldstone started a program where customers could bring in flavors of their own making to donate to Coldstone. Genius! Well, when Eric and I got up to the counter, the Coldstone employee asked which flavor(s) we would like to try. I noticed that one of the flavors was called 'Berry Applesauce'. Eric insisted that I try it. Sure enough, 'Berry Applesauce' was applesauce combined with raspberries and then frozen. I thought the sample was disgusting, but I smiled and nodded my head instead. (After all, I was on a date.)

About this time, two men in sunglasses and dark suits and ties with American flags on their lapels walked into Coldstone. They glanced in my direction and approached me immediately. "Miss, you must come with us." they said. "Me?" I said in disbelief. "Yes, you." We are with the FBI and you must come back to headquarters with us for questioning.

We headed to headquarters on foot. Along the way I asked what I had possibly done wrong for the FBI to question me. "We can't even speak of the things you've done" they told me.

"I am pretty sure you have the wrong girl. What did I do?" I asked.

"You are a traitor to your country. We know that you have ties to [insert name of terrorist organization here]." they responded.

"Terrorists? I don't think so. You've got the wrong girl" I said.

"No we don't. We saw you go to the drinking fountain TWICE before getting any ice cream tonight. Everyone knows that the universal signal to [insert said name of terrorist organization here]."

About this time, we were approaching the building. All of the sudden, Eric came running up the sidewalk and opened the door to the building for us. "Thanks for getting my door." I said.

"It's the least that I could do for you." he answered.

Once inside the building, the agents lead me toward the interrogation room for questioning. While in the adjoining room, I could see the lead interrogator. She was a very feisty agent and she was tearing apart a group of college aged individuals in the room. At that moment she saw me through the glass and motioned for the agents to bring me in. "You!" she said and pointed her finger in my direction. "I can't even speak of the things you have done! You are a disgrace to your country, the very dirtiest kind of traitor. You are despicable and I cannot even stand to look at you!"

"I'm sorry mam, but I still have no idea what I did to become such a traitor." I responded.

"You went to the drinking fountain TWICE before getting any ice cream!" she bellowed.

"Yeah, about that. I still don't understand how that is a signal to the terrorists?" I asked.

"Why else would you possibly need to get two drinks of water before having any ice cream, unless you were trying to signal the enemy?" She countered.

"Well I was with a boy and I was very nervous and...I was trying to impress him." I said sheepishly.

"Say no more. You may go." She said and everyone in the room started to laugh.

I exited the building and found Eric sitting on the curb. He ran up to me, "They let you go! What happened? Are you alright?"

"They asked for an explanation. I said one sentence. They all laughed at me and then they let me go." I said. In my head I was thinking, "Please don't ask what the one sentence was...please don't ask what the one sentence was." And then he didn't ask.

"Well," he said, "We still need to get ice cream." So we went to find ice cream although Coldstone was entirely different than the first location we went to. After getting ice cream we decided to take a drive. We ended up in the foothills where we ran into my sister who was running on foot.

"You see that trail that leads from those houses up there down to the valley over there?" she said.

"Yes." I answered. "Well, that's where those Poteet girls run every morning, but I just don't know how they get down there." she added.

"See that spot where the trail connects right here?" I pointed out. "Ohhhhh. I see." she said.

Disclaimer: Coldstone has not asked customers to donate flavors in order to stay in business (at least to my knowledge). I do not give signals to terrorist organizations and all events depicted here are from my actual dream. Except the part about Eric being awesome. That part is true.